So picture this:
A fully voiced, fully animated in SFM Team Fortress 2 TV show. The show could follow the comics if it wanted to or it could make it’s own entirely new story, or even just be a comedy that delves into the everyday lives of our favorite mercenaries.
Anyways, one of the running gags would be that Heavy and Medic are married and everyone on the team knows, but the show isn’t explicit about it.
Like maybe you’ll have a scene here where Soldier bangs on all the mercs doors for role call and we see a shot of Heavy and Medic sleeping together, another scene there where two other characters are having a conversation in the foreground, and in the background, Hoovy and Meem are arguing about something before Heavy just says “Nyet” and throws him over his shoulder. Then there would be one or two episodes with their relationship as the main focus and the viewer is all surprised but the show is like, “You didn’t know lol? We’ve been teasing this for like, the whole season.”
YEEES
Halloween episode is like a Scooby-Doo mystery that starts with Scout waking up the whole base in the middle of the night screaming. Everyone rushes to his room, where he says he saw someone looking through his window. Everyone claims they were asleep in their own rooms and therefore it must’ve been an intruder snooping around the base. So they split up to search for the intruder. Throughout the episode each group finds evidence that their other teammates were lying about where they’d been or what they’d been doing, mostly to cover up some embarrassing hobby or habit. But when someone realizes that Medic and Heavy approached Scout’s room from the same direction when Heavy should’ve come from the opposite end of the hall if he were really in his room, it leads to a couple of the mercs figuring out that Heavy and Medic were together in Medic’s room in the middle of the night.
This really makes me want to craft more “episodes” lmao.
Christmas special where the plot is that Spy is trying to mail a present to Scout’s mom for the holidays and Scout, Pyro (because he thought it would be fun), and Demo (because he was drunk), spend the episode trying to get Spy away from the package long enough so Scout can destroy it. We see in the background Engineer and the others hanging up Christmas decorations, and in one scene, Heavy is helping Medic string up lights in the hallway. Medic hands him the last box, a small one, and it turn out not to be more lights but a mistletoe. And while Spy is chasing and threatening to murder Scout and his gang if he doesn’t give him the package back, Heavy puts up the mistletoe and Medic, instead of a simple kiss, responds by dragging him into the cleaning closet to make out. But of course the viewer never gets to see that part ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
If anyone else wants to add on to this thread, be my guest.Thanksgiving episode where half the guys had plans to go home to their families and the other half have no families so they were going on weekend trips, but a freak snowstorm shuts down the airport so they’re all stuck at the base and decide to do Thanksgiving together.
Engie usually participates in big southern potlucks with his extended family at Conagher Ranch, so he has lots of experience making fabulous home-cooked meals, but finds himself frustrated with all the substitutions and omissions he has to make because everything was picked over at whatever stores were open and then SOMEONE (*coughSoldiercough*) who doesn’t know how to operate a stove decided to anyway and ruined several dishes. It’s honestly a miracle anything was edible at all, but what was, was 5-star quality. Sure, they might’ve had to settle for cold, prepackaged deli meat on white bread instead of a hot, slow-roasted turkey fresh from the oven. But with the right garnishes, Engie made the best damn sandwiches the world has ever seen, same with every other mediocre slapdash Thanksgiving dish.
Demoman brought his mom over, who started off driving him crazy with her constant nagging, but when Engie was nearing his breaking point she shifted focus to offering him encouragement and helping him salvage when they could, then spent the rest of the night listening to Soldier’s wild stories. Turns out she can actually be quite pleasant when she’s preoccupied with other people besides her son.
Pyro made Worns in Dirt aka chocolate pudding, crushed oreos, and gummy worms after the store-bought pie got dropped in the driveway and they had to settle for what was already in the cupboards for dessert. It was a big hit.
Scout misses his mom and her home cooking, but figures he’s seen her make her signature dish enough times that he can replicate it. He makes a few mistakes, but manages to save it with Spy’s help.
Spy pretends to be annoyed that he’s missing out on a trip to Tuscany, but secretly he’s glad to be spending the holidays with his son for the first time. He has a Ratatouille moment when he tastes Scout’s dish and gets transported back in time to when Scout’s mom made it for him.
Miss Pauling hasn’t had a home cooked meal in 8 years since work keeps her too busy to cook for herself. She moans like a prostitute when she has Scout’s dish and says she’d kiss him if she weren’t too full to move after wolfing it down.
Sniper doesn’t tell anyone, but he actually had no plans because he’s not welcome in his parents’ home anymore. So he’s grateful he didn’t have to spend the holidays at the base all alone.
Medic’s family are all dead, so he has no family to visit and is grateful to be able to spend the holidays with Heavy. He doesn’t say so until late in the evening because he doesn’t want to seem like he’s glad Heavy missed out on time with his family. Heavy replies that he feels the same way. He’s not glad to not see his family, but he would’ve missed Medic if he’d gone home to Russia and he’s glad they got to spend this American holiday together. He suggests that maybe Medic could come home with him for Christmas. Medic asks if his family would really be okay with it and Heavy insists they will love him. Medic says, “Okay then. It’s a date.”
Multiple episodes play out like the Chandler and Monica storyline in Friends. Engie and Pauling discover their relationship and play secret keepers for them. Others discover it but don’t tell anyone initially, until they realize some of them already know. The last to learn are bothered that no one trusted them with their secrets and decide to get revenge with a prank involving pretending one of them is interested in Heavy. Heavy and Medic realize that they know and Medic tells Heavy he should play dumb and act like he reciprocates the attraction of whichever merc is hitting on him. Both sides egg each other on to escalate the fake seduction until ultimately Heavy declares that he can’t sleep with another man because he loves Medic, which warms the hearts of the pranksters, who thought they were just doin’ it and didn’t realize they were in love.
Someone comments that it must be a huge relief to Heavy and Medic that everyone knows now. But then Miss Pauling points out that actually the Administrator still doesn’t know. Then the Administrator comes on through the speakers to declare that she caught onto the sexual tension between them before they even realized it themselves.
The joke takes a dark turn when Miss Pauling has a face to face with the Administrator later. Sure, Helen may not mind if two of her mercs are gay. Delights in having another piece of blackmail on them, even. But Pauling recognizes that keeping secrets from her was a betrayal. One which calls her loyalties into question. Helen asks point blank if Pauling would be willing to kill the mercs if she ordered it. Pauling says ‘yes’. Helen notes her lack of hesitation and says that if she had noticed any she’d have had to find a new assistant immediately. Pauling is extremely paranoid for weeks afterward. Unsure if Helen really believes her and isn’t planning to have her killed. In truth, she isn’t sure herself if she could kill her friends as easily as she said. She only answered that fast because she knew it’s what Helen wanted to hear.
